Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! Normally besides Christmas this has to be my favorite holiday! Being the hopeless romantic that I am it is a day when you celebrate love. You share a special day and evening with the love in your life.

Last year was so much fun! I planned a huge surprise for Al and I. I gave him an address to meet me at which happened to be a cool hotel, where I had packed our bags and brought with me. I couldn't wait for him to get there, to see him, hold him. See the surprise on his face. He arrived and I handed him his clothes to put on and we went to the most romantic restaurant. As the ladies walked in the host handed them a rose. We sat in a corner table as a performer sand slow and romantic songs for us. The food was the very best quality and taste. Al loved it. And I loved how he made me feel.How he smiled at me as if I were the only woman in the room. Then we went back to our room where the celebration continued. We both took of work the next day and spent it together. What a wonderful memory.

This year, unlike the last four, is very different. I will be celebrating without Al. He is still my love, yet he seems to have forgotten me and the life we had together. I wonder if he remembers this day last year? or where he will be this evening? If I will cross his mind at all? As the only option I had, I sent him an e card. I wonder if he will read it? No matter where he is or who he is with, no one will love him like I do. No one will put forth the effort to make him feel so loved like I did.

Even though I feel very sad today, I hope all those couples out there celebrate their love for one another and appreciate that they have someone who loves them back.

Wherever you are my love, I am thinking of you.

This photo is Al and Taylor at my mom's last Christmas. Who knew a year later things would be so different. When this photo was taken we were making plans to sell my house to buy us another one and then having a baby. Now he will not even speak to me.

I gave him everything I had to give. I was there for him when no one else was. I taught him how to drive (which he didn't learn so well), got him out of immigration jail that I borrowed $5,000 against my house to give him, helped him get his first car then later another one, a home to call his own when he had no where else to go, help with preparing for his immigration case with Angela then later ours, gave him a family who took him in as one of the family, took him to the best restaurants and hotels and vacations, bought him nice clothes,because of me he has health insurance and mental health insurance,dental insurance, vision insurance. Planned him a surprise birthday party when he turned thirty. Encouraged him to keep in contact with his family including the father and older brother he claimed to not have a relationship with. And now it seems as if it were all for nothing. I did all these thing because I loved him and thought our marriage was for a lifetime.

Is it possible for someone to have no conscious at all? To walk out on his family and never look back? Leave them in a financial mess and not care? Even when you have stuck by their side always?

Obviously I am not in a good mood today. I didn't intend to rampble through all that. I guess I am still just in shock that my once planned out life with someone I thought loved me has now turned into this mess and he has nothing to say at all.

A New Year

Happy 2008. This man to the left has been the love of my life for the last four years. Was our marriage perfect? No. But was it still great? Yes. This man once made me feel like the queen of his world. He would do anything I asked. Rubbed my feet, bought me cute things, looked at me as if I were a treasure. Then one day, he walked out. Said he was coming back, he just needed some time. Then I got served divorce papers and he refuses to talk to me. I am in all kinds of a financial mess and maybe a legal mess because of him. What happened to him? Was Taylor and I ever important to him? He wanted to adopt her so badly and for us to start a family together, one child for sure maybe two. So what happened to all of our dreams and plans? I wish I knew. Instead I am left with a mess, a broken heart and no answers.He used to tell me all the time I was his only love ever, only person he ever trusted and had found peace peace. That he would never be so foolish to walk away from us.

Today February 2nd was Ali's birthday. Taylor and I left him a message but of course no response.